Monday, September 13, 2004
It's early in the morning and I can't sleep. I can barely breathe. Maybe that's the overwhelming scent of hazelnut in our room.
Big management test in the morning. Megan went to bed early. I thought about going to bed early. Krysten may stay up all night. She called me "what's her face" tonight. We live together. If she should know anyone's name, you'd think it would be mine. But, alas, it's not. It's the boy who's taped to her computer.
At least he's cute.
I want to go to bed because I was told to go to bed. I was told to get more sleep and not rely on caffeine pills. I am tense and happy and hyper and tired and upset and genuinely content at the same time. If you don't think that's possible, trust me, it is.
I want to make him proud of me.
I want God to be proud of me. I want to be worthy of being His daughter. I want to bless His name.
I don't think I'm saying anything that makes sense anymore, and I don't care. I'm too busy thinking on overdrive. Big, deep thoughts that I can't translate for the world.
I can't even translate them for one person. I feel so inadequate right now.
There is so much to share, but I can't share too much. It's terrifying to share. You never know when something that you share might be rejected.
There should be a rule against writing on here after midnight. I think I just created it. I won't follow it, but rules are made to be broken, right? Or at least, this one was.
"Do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?" - The Beatles
. celebrate . `@ 2:05 AM
