Thursday, June 26, 2003
One quick post before I jet off into the sunset for two weeks. I love silly boys who make me laugh. This week's personal favorites? Matt and Adrian.
Example Numero Uno - Adrian
sarah: i have hours and hours of work to do
adrian: so happy... it almost like you had ur first kid
sarah: oh no you'll know when i have my first kid
sarah: the screams will echo across the nation
adrian: get a small one
Number Two Example
matt: guess what?
sarah: what?
matt: i love you. *pause* guess what?
sarah: what?
matt: i have a truck. it loves you, too.
Today I am dancing through my day. There is so much to love, and in sixteen hours I am leaving for the DR with Joshua. I shine and laugh and bubble today -- Jesus loves me!
*blows kisses* Have a good couple weeks, ya'll. I miss my sweetness and fluffernutter!
P.S. I want a magnet that says 'boys lie. and kind of stink.' - it fits all my stereotypes. hehehe.
. celebrate . `@ 10:15 AM
Monday, June 23, 2003
All right. I waited more than a week again because I need to absorb everything. And absorb everything I have done. Basically, I have come to recognize some of the things I've learned in the past year. Being eighteen was hard on me. I know everyone expects it to be the best year of their lives, and if it comes to learning and experiencing, then it was. But it wasn't blissful or carefree or fluffy clouds -- it was trying and back breaking and really, really painful at times. It was like climbing a ladder that doesn't end. Not that it's ended yet.
I hated eighteen. Honest to Pete, I did. When I look back at certain years in my life, there were some that were hard. I don't wish I could have skipped over it, though, because it instilled so much in my life.
~When I was eighteen, I realized that home really is where your heart belongs. There's nothing like pressing your nose against the window and watching familiar street signs and stop lights roll by. Your heart feels settled when you pull into a driveway or catch a glimpse of a place that holds a million memories of past years. When you lose that feeling, that place is no longer home - it is some kind of temple to the past that you belonged to once.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that you can not believe your dreams into existence. The one thing you thought you lived for may be a shadow of what you thought it be. It could easily not fit into God's will for your life, and when you try to stretch it into something that you strongly desire it to be, there are points where you will fail. You can not make something that is not into something that is.
~When I was eighteen, I learned how to use antiderivatives to find curves of functions and not-so-cool-or-useful stuff like that.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that loving the unlovable is a more important goal to strive for than perfection. Because loving someone is hard doesn't mean it's impossible; it just means you need a little more Jesus than you thought you did to get the job done. Humbling experience.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that if I don't want to be around someone, I don't need to force myself to be. There is no law written anywhere that says I have to be, as long as my heart is in the right place.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that hurt doesn't have to echo forever.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that eight years before, God had blessed me with a group of friends that I can cherish forever, not because only of all of the memories we hold, but also because of the memories we still have to make.
~When I was eighteen, I learned how to wrap a tortilla into an effective sandwich holder thing.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that true love keeps no record of wrongs.
~When I was eighteen, I realized that no matter how long people have known you, they may not allow you to change. You may have to help that process along. If they don't allow you to grow and change, you may have to accept that they never will let you move on and develop as a person, and love them anyway.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that no matter how bad your day was or how much you cried over the worst calculus problem in the world because you have your period and the cafeteria food sucked and the cleaning ladies stole your bath stuff and your bestest friend at school is out with her boyfriend and gets no service on her cell phone and no one is home back in Connecticut, your roommate is a very useful cheer-up device. And reading the Psalms is even better.
~When I was eighteen, I learned that I am allowed to kiss things goodbye and forget about them.
I learned so much. I want to share it with everyone, but I don't know how. And while this list may be semi effective, I truly want to sit down with so many people and explain things to them. Will I get the chance? Most likely not. Perhaps one or two people will devote an hour or an afternoon to listening to me and discussing life with me. Probably not. But what matters is that I have grown. Through the tears and the crappy songs on the radio and the blowing of bubbles and the sunning in the Maddox courtyard and the items I wanted to burn but haven't yet and the longing for days gone by that glowed with innocence and life, I have grown. My Abba Father is so good.
. celebrate . `@ 11:42 PM
